Marvin

Hey babe, my name is Marvin , a sexy single man, and I have a lot to offer you. I have six pack abs, two working legs and eyes as deep as canyons. Shallow canyons, but canyons none the less. I am full of compassion for some people (most especially the ones with great tits) and the cuter animals. I have a deep and extensive field of interests like sword sharpening, napping, watching football, drinking iced tea and napping. I'm looking for someone who will unquestionably serve me whatever food I want, whenever I want. If you're interested, read marvinandjohnny.com

Johnny

I feel that it's best to be honest right off the bat, so with that out of the way, you should know that I'm extremely hairy. Imagine Michael Stipe if he was a fur trader or a frontiersman in the early nineteenth century. I enjoy fine dining, going on walks, and going out to clubs that Lindsay Lohan frequents and pretending to be into you when she looks over at us to make her jealous.

I'm looking for a woman or at least a man who looks good in a wig. I'm not very selective as long as you're willing to give me a backdoor snouting once in a while. If you don't know what that is, there's probably a decent article that explains it on Wikipedia. If there's not, I'll make one for you upon your request. Anyone interested must also be generous, and I would prefer it if we had compatible blood types. I'm going to be needing a new kidney soon, and possibly some other organs in the future.

There are things about me that make women go crazy, but there's no need to worry because I'm loyal to a fault. I will stand at your bedside when you sleep and guard you with my trusty hatchet. I will regale you with elegant stories about me and my hatchet. It's a fierce killing machine, but I'll be gentle with it- I will only cut you in the good way.